Don't Take Your Relationships for Granted

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.If you do, you just might save a marriage.Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

- Adejumoke Ehizojie

Test it!

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure...Bill Cosby

The first litmus test for your dreams is Desire. The online Free Dictionary defines desire as a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. Desire is not necessary the same as interest. Desire speaks to a strong commitment to a cause, a goal, a vision, a dream. The strength of our desires fuels our drive to persist through the seasons of adversity every dreamer goes through. Desire is what gets you out of bed with a shout, and takes you to bed with a smile.

Glenn Cunningham was born in Atlanta, Kan., and had high hopes of becoming an athlete. When he was 7 he had an accident and was rushed to the hospital. The doctor suggested that his leg should be amputated but Glenn, though young refused. At that tender age the doctor told him that he would never walk again. Here was Young Glenn’s reply: “Sir, I won’t just walk again, I will also run”. Not wanting to discourage him, the doctor did not reply as he saw this statement as a mere rambling from a lame kid.

With intensive therapy and application, he overcame the odds and by high school was running competitively. He was the fastest miler in the Amateur Athletic Union in 1933 and 1935-38, and in 1934 he set a world record (4:06.7). He became one of the greatest U.S. middle-distance runner. He not only walked, he ran; he not only ran, he broke records.

If Glenn did not hide his gift because of an accident that occurred in the past, I am now more than ever determined that no matter the accident(s) that have happened or that will happen in my life, I will keep pressing on until I make my mark in my generation using my God giving gift(s).

“…a ship is safest when in harbour but it was not made for the harbour, it was made for the sea”…Anonymous

Some questions to help you check your dreams using this "desire" litmus test includes:

* Do I have a strong desire to pursue this dream or are my only interested?
* Is this something I will be willing to pursue if money was not a problem?
* Is this something I go to bed thinking about and wake up thinking about?
* Do I always need someone's encouragement to continue pursuing this dream?
* Would I be willing to keep pursuing this dream even if I don't become famous or get noticed?
* Do I feel a sense of joy anytime I'm engaged in activities in line with this dream?
* Do I get excited when I talk about this dream and/or when I'm in the company of individuals pursuing similar dreams?
* Are my willing to do what it takes to pursue this dream?
* How bad do I want this dream?
* Do I feel a sense of peace on the inside whenever I think about this dream?

His first animation company went bankrupt and he was fired by a news editor because he lacked imagination. Legend has it that he was turned down 302 times before he got financing for creating Disney World. Walt Disney's desire to realize his dreams was so strong that the failures he had encountered did not stop him. He moved to Hollywood after the bankruptcy and, with his brother, set up cartoon studio.Within a short time they received an order from New York for the The Alice Comedies. Walt Disney would go on to create several cartoon characters including the very famous Mickey Mouse character. Walt Disney holds the record for both the most Academy Award nominations (59) and the number of Oscars awarded (22). He also earned four honorary Oscars. His last competitive Academy Award was posthumous.

Without a strong desire to act on and persistently pursue our dreams, they will never become realities.

All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you...Walt Disney

Why Dreams Fail!

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true...John Maxwell

Born in Spain, Arnaldus de Villa Nova was educated by Dominicans and studied medicine at Naples. His medical skills brought him great reputation as he treated kings, popes, and other famous people. This gave him reason to travel widely in Spain, France, Italy, and North Africa (Paragraph Source). One of the discoveries ascribed to Arnaldus is the litmus test which is used to test the acidity of materials. As I thought about dreams, I couldn’t help but think about the several dreams I’ve had and attempted which had failed. The businesses built, ideas implemented, relationships started, decisions taken that have come back to haunt me. I couldn’t help but wonder if, like the litmus test for acidity, there are some basic tests that one could run their dreams through before they begin.

I love big thinking but I also love realistic thinking. Can you imagine a 50 year old dreaming of becoming a soccer star? That's a big dream but, I don't think it is realistic. Perhaps he could modify his dream to focus on becoming a great soccer coach.

From an early age, football was a major part of Jose Mourinho's life. As a teenager, Mourinho travelled to attend his father's weekend matches and when his father had became a coach, Mourinho began observing training sessions and scouting opposing teams. Mourinho wanted to follow in the footsteps of his father by becoming a footballer and so he joined the Belenenses youth team. Graduating to the senior level, he played at Rio Ave (where his father was coach), Belenenses, and Sesimbra. He lacked the requisite pace and power to become a professional and chose to focus on becoming a football coach instead. After his mother enrolled him in a business school, Mourinho dropped out on his first day, deciding he would rather focus on sport, and chose to attend the Instituto Superior de Educação Física (ISEF), Technical University of Lisbon, to study sports science. He taught physical education at various schools and after five years, he had earned his diploma, receiving consistently good marks throughout the course.After attending coaching courses held by the English and Scottish Football Associations, former Scotland manager Andy Roxburgh took note of the young Portuguese's drive and attention to detail.Mourinho sought to redefine the role of coach in football by mixing coaching theory with motivational and psychological techniques.

Today, Jose Mourinho is regarded as one of the best coaches in the world. He is the first coach to win the professional leagues in Spain, Italy, Portugal and England. Mourinho's Inter team is the only Italian club to have won the treble. He is also one of three coaches that have won the champions league with two different clubs. In eight seasons of club management, including an eight month sabbatical in 2007–08, Mourinho has led his clubs to win their domestic league seven times, the UEFA Champions League twice and the UEFA Cup once. Since 2002, Mourinho has not gone a full calendar year without winning at least one trophy (Source)

When dreams are not realistic, nightmares are inevitable

I think many dreams fail because we haven’t stepped back to test them in our minds, our hearts before starting off. I believe that dreams fail because we haven’t shared them with the right individuals or validated if this is the reason for our design. In this book, I try to capture five litmus tests we could run our dreams through before we begin. I’m sure there are several but these are the ones that I’ve started using for my dreams - based on experiences from my failures.